


hiding under my tongue

by Amymel86



Series: Sugar and Spice Drabbles [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Modern Era, Speech Disorders, Stuttering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 21:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20121595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amymel86/pseuds/Amymel86
Summary: He was fucking scared. He'd done time, he'd broken bones and blackened eyes, but this tattooed ex-con was scared of talking to a pretty girl.Shit.Fuck it. Here goes nothing.





	hiding under my tongue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Queenofthebees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/gifts).

> Once again, I am unable to abide by the rules of word limits! I've already edited chunks of this out but I don't want to delete any more :(
> 
> Anyway, here is my offering for day 2 of the drabble event for the 'firsts' prompt. Gifted to Debbie for arranging the event. 💜

Fiddling with his introduction card wasn't doing anything to calm his nerves. And bouncing his leg up and down was no help either. Jon rubbed a hand over his face and glanced at Dr Seaworth sat beside him. The man gave him an encouraging smile and nod.

The Wolf Pack Coffee Shop was the nicest cafe in town. At least, Jon thought so. It feels homey with its time-loved leather sofas and reading nook area, complete with book-swap library. Some might say that the place is due an upgrade in interior design, but Jon likes the place just as it is so he hopes no one takes that suggestion too seriously any time soon.

For a couple of weeks now, his speech therapist, Dr Seaworth, or Davos as he insists on being called (not only to foster a more comfortable relationship between the two, but because it's an easier name for Jon to wrap his mouth around), has been bringing him here. The first few times, Davos had ordered for them both and they'd sat together, Davos making idle chit-chat while Jon nodded or shook his head. Yesterday however, Jon had tried to join the conversation so the old man hadn't been the only voice at their table. That had been a first during his therapy treatment, normally, when Jon stutters, and stammers, and tries to force stubborn words, it's in the safety of Dr Seaworth's office, not in public where others could overhear.

That is possibly the biggest fear Jon Snow possess; people hearing his stammer and thinking him dumb or weak. It's the reason why, since he was around the age of 12 and in the care system, he'd allowed the assumption that he's mute. Folks might well still think him too dumb to speak, but when they see him with his inked arms and body obviously crafted at a lifters bench and from his stay at Castle Black Penitentiary, he doubts that anyone would think this silent man weak.

Jon's not dumb though. He may have thought it a time or two, way back when kids would tease him, or his foster parents would get frustrated and finish his words for him. But he knows now that he has strengths. Jon just wishes he hadn't needed to complete a few prison education courses to learn that about himself.

He'd not meant to find himself on the wrong side of the law. And chalking his past down to 'falling in with the wrong crowd' seems like such a cop out, but Jon knows that's how it had started. It had been the slipperyest of slopes.

Well, his therapy is just one part of Jon trying to reclaim that slippery slope, and he hopes to find himself at the top of it one of these days. To do that though, he has to conquer a few 'firsts', and today he'd agreed with Davos that that 'first' was going to be ordering their coffee. Verbally. In front of people.

He was bricking it.

It had seemed do-able back at Davos' office, when he'd agreed, thinking that the barista would likely be the guy they normally saw behind the counter- a friendly seeming man about Jon's age, usually wearing a smile and a name badge which read 'Robb'.

But now Jon was sweating. It wasn't 'Robb' behind the counter, but a girl. An extremely pretty girl. An extremely pretty girl with fire red hair (a preference you'd only be privy to if you were able to browse Jon's porn search history on his phone... which you can't because he deletes that shit. He's not stupid.)

He's no virgin. A couple of brazen girls had come onto him, seeming not to mind thinking they were bedding a dumb mute as long as he was dangerous and pretty to look at.

All that was meaningless though, and Jon had no use for meaningless any more.

He stared at the pretty woman lifting the glass cloche to rearrange the cupcake display. His throat went dry at the mere thought of stuttering and stammering his way through the simplest of sentences in front of her. He really didn't want her to think he was stupid.

He was fucking scared. He'd done time, he'd broken bones and blackened eyes, but this tattooed ex-con was scared of talking to a pretty girl. _Shit_.

Fuck it. Here goes nothing.

Jon reached the till and the redheaded girl eyed his ink warily before greeting him with a courteous smile. Jon slid the introduction card Davos had supplied him with across the counter. She picked it up with a furrowed brow and Jon watched with his heart lodged in his throat as her cornflower blue eyes skimmed the text.

_Hello. I am currently undergoing speech therapy for an impediment I am trying to manage. It would help greatly if you would allow me to practice with you. If you can help, please be patient and do not try to finish my words for me. If you are unable to help at this time, please kindly let me know._

"Hello," she said, lowering the card and giving him an encouraging nod.

There was a deafening pulse in his ears that Jon was trying to block out. He licked phis lips and attempted to remember Davos' advice.

_Speak slowly. Plan your words. Substitute tricky words or sounds. Think of your speech as a rhythm. Try to keep your nerves at bay. People are rooting for you, not judging you._

"Hello."

He'd said it! He'd said it! It's such a simple word but he'd said it and said it _clearly_!

Jon thought about the next words he's practised ad nauseam to himself when he is alone._ My name is Jon_.

The redhead smiled encouragingly at him. Jon thought she looked radiant with her crystal blue eyes and her sweetcream skin. His lips twitch at thought of telling her so, saying those words, fluidly and without a stammer. _Impossible_.

"My n-" he tried, and oh Gods, he can feel the hot embarrassment crawling up his throat to snatch the words away before he's even tried to say them, "n-n-n-" Jon pauses to close his eyes and take a breath.

_She's rooting for you. She's not judging you_. He can hear Davos' advice in his head and opening his eyes, looking to the redhead's face, he can believe it. It's right _there_.

Breathe in. Breathe out. "My n-n-n...."

_Substitute tricky words or sounds_.

"I'm J-J-J-J...." Breathe in, breathe out. "I'm Jon."

The redhead smiled wider at him._ Ah fuck_! She's absolutely gorgeous. "Hello, Jon," she says, handing back his introduction card, "I'm Sansa."

_That's a pretty name_, he wants to say, but someone has come to stand behind him to place their order and he can already feel the _'th'_ of '_that_' getting stuck on his tongue.

"P-" he starts, but his mouth feels too tight to continue. There's a silence as the background music changes tracks and it's the loudest silence Jon has ever witnessed with him stood there, his body seeming as frozen as his words.

That's when he remembered another bit of advice from his therapist - _use movement or hand gestures to help with flow_.

Jon taps the side of the introduction card on the surface counter in time with his words. "Pretty name," he nods and quickly goes to sit back down with Davos.

He may have come back coffeeless, but he has something far better; a little bit of pride in himself... _and her name._

**Author's Note:**

> I am by no means all that knowledgable about speech impediments, but this au was inspired by a guy I met and became friends with during my uni days who had a pretty bad stammer. We met when I worked at a health food shop and he introduced himself just like Jon did here with a little explanation card about his therapy and needing practise. We've since lost touch but last I heard from him he is managing his stammer pretty well :)
> 
> I might continue this with another drabble - we'll see!


End file.
